scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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