Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
