Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
