So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
