do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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