Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
