woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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