Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Your penis caused this!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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