At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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