We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
