well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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