i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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