My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
