i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
