We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
