Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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