I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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