We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
