problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
