Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
