I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
