dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
smell my finger.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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