we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
