So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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