I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
