Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
