please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
