Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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