i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
