there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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