mondays should just be called national damage control day
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
