NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
