We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
