Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
apparently the secret to your success is patron
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
