Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
