The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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