You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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