I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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