last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
