I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
