my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
