i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
