I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
