It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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