I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
its not stalking. its research.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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