this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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