I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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