My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
