Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
