My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
