Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
