this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
