hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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