Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
