you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
