she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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