When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
