Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
