My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
