i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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