Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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