So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
