His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
