the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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