; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
