Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
