Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
