today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
