i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
