Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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