I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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