Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
