whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
