so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
