Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
