It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
