Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
