oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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