Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
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Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i've created a new STD.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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