I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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