I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
