Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
