omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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