If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
