I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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