Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
