If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Someone signed my nipple.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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