the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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