My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dick very happy bro
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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